JayX4 , the only place where I belong to

Ya, its been a long time since I post something. 
Well...how have all of you been? great? I guess...
but for me, these whole time was a total tragic for me.
I just found out a truth that truly broke my heart and made my day hell!

Remember the day when the rest of them went out to celebrate Debbie's birthday and I wasn't there?
that day I was supposed to take a bus and meet them at Dataran Pahlawan. However, there wasn't a damn bus pass by the bus stop ! I went back after 2 hours of waiting and hope that my mom willing to bring me there since she was going to Bukit Cina, that is not far from the place where we agreed to meet at.
I told her that I can go back by myself if she feels that fetching me home is kind of troublesome. she didn't say a word when my brother and I get into the car.
I got confused when she drive to a completely opposite direction.  I was shocked when she said that i'll be out of the house if I go to meet friends before she drove away leaving me and my brothers at Jusco.
I was so furious at that time. 

Then my brother pulled me to sit on a bench...
He said, "sis,there's something I wanted to tell you, promise me you won't get angry. mum once told me that I'm the first son in the family, I'm important. Then I said what about sis? she's the eldest. I was shocked at her answers. she said that you're indeed the eldest, but you're a daughter, a daughter has no use,you won't affect the family even if you are gone.that's why she's harsh to you and treats you differently."

I really hope that i heard it wrong, my heart hurts although i told myself that i should be strong. I sometimes still cared for her even we have a fight, how can she said that to my brother when she knows that we are close.

Is okay that she does not like me going out, she dislike my friends, talk bad about them in front me, mocked me, or anything. But to despise me as a daughter in the family is too much!
am I really a failure?
can this consider as I have loss the heart of my families?

Now,the only place I have now is here...JayX4... they still helped me even i made them unhappy or made them angry. They still asked me out. They still played with me. They still willing to hang out with me even though I told them that I won't at the last minute. I'm sorry that I failed them sometimes.

But will they accept me?

Or I was fated to be alone?


---The Useless Kelly---